One thing which my surgeon said (among others) on Monday, that stuck in my mind, was something he said about my therapy sessions. He told me that he did not know why I was not progressing as well as I should be. He said that he could not be there to watch my sessions and to see how I was cooperating with Jason (my therapist). He said that Jason will utilize non-verbal feedback to determine how far he can push the stretching exercises. He said that it was possible for me to fight what Jason was trying to do.
Some of the non-verbal feedback that my doctor was referring to was things such as profuse sweating, quivering limbs, sudden jerks, cessation of breathing, and horrible facial expressions – all of which I have experienced. Jason has even told me that he wished I could see some of the faces I’ve made while he’s working on me. I told him that he could take pictures with his i-phone and email them me – I’ll post them on my blog!
All of that aside, one of the things that I have realized was that I can indeed fight Jason’s efforts to stretch me. After my doc told me what I could be facing unless my results improve, I made up my mind that I would cast all caution to the wind, so as not to need that dreaded MUA (at least dreaded to me…). One of the effects of that decision is my wholehearted abandonment to Jason’s stretching – no matter how much it hurts.
On Wednesday, I completely submitted to what Jason was doing with almost stoic emotion (at least it seemed like that to me). Jason asked me several times if I was alright, and I shook my head in the affirmative. I absolutely put myself in his hands. I even thought of the “potter and clay” analogy in the Bible. He was the potter, and I was the clay. For the first time, I could actually feel when I was fighting his effort, and when I realized it, I relaxed myself and let him get the stretch he was after. It was painful, but I don’t care – I have to get past that so I can be healed, if that’s what it’s going to take.
I know I’ve spent a good bit of time whining about my situation (Jason told me that I would incur an extra $5 charge if I whine in there, so I do it here…), but really and truly, I believe that God wanted me to go through all of this. I have no idea why, but I know that His intentions are always for my benefit. So, I want to take this opportunity to say that, although I have been guilty of whining, I actually have faith that God has a good purpose in all of my sufferings. I do apologize for it, and thank you for your patience with me.
Here’s one of my favorite verses from the Bible:
” And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose.” – Romans 8:28
And here’s another:
“Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him.” – Job 13:15
Thanks for listening. 🙂